Oh Christmas tree . . . .

Put the tree up tonight after a nice dinner at Scottos in Westbury. It was the gift certificate I won for the video contest. The food was eye rolling in the back of your head good. I asked my parents to join us seeing as how they've been helping with the windows and the ICSI. We had a great time and I was all excited to come home and do the tree. My Jeckyl and Hyde husband decides he doesn't want to do it and becomes the biggest bah humbug ever. He was such a nasty asshole. Made me cry and everything. Then I decided after I sulked in my room till I calmed down that WHATEVER if he doesn't want to I WANT TO. So I did it alone and with in a few minutes he was helping too. He's been horrible lately so moody and hard to be around. He says no but I think it has everything to do with the fact that he's actively smoking again and when he doesn't for the day he gets awful. I hate that shit he was doing so good and now he's a fuckin asshole again and were fighting when we weren't for a while. Oh well if he's gonna be that way I just won't ask him to do anything with me. I don't think it's so wrong when a wife loves to do nice things with her husband but if the husband is going to be a prick the. I'm perfectly fine doing it by myself. <3 screw men, moody bitches <3



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Gobble gobble . . .

Fun night of yummy food and great family. I made yummy turnips and tiny chocolate moose pies. I'm so thankful for all my family and friends. <3 give thanks <3








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Mana Mana . . . .

Saw The Muppets Movie tonight. Yaaaay ! A little cheesy at times and way too many humans but so great to see them back for a whole new generation to fall in love with them the way I did. I went with Nick ( who fell asleep ), Vicky, tommy, Jeanette, don, Christie and billy ( who also fell asleep ). <3 It ain't easy being green. <3


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My very own Muppet . . . .

Nick bought me a muppet for a wedding present. He went with me to "our tree" in the city, on our honeymoon and now he's going to come with me to see the Muppet Movie. His name is Clyde.











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Delia . . . .

Delia and Alex loved Elmo !


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I love you bed . . . .

Double pillow top bed with a memory foam topper, down comforter, faux down pillows and contoured memory foam pillow = a happy little Mexican ! <3 ZzZzZzZz <3


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Chores . . . .

Nick has been saying that I complain about him not doing his husbandly duties when in reality I don't do my wifely ones either. As an attempt to lead by example I have decided to make chores a weekly event. The goal is to not have to do heavy cleaning because upkeep will prevent the giant overhauls I've had to do due to being lazy. Clean living space clear minds. Seeing as how we've been getting along better, I started Zoloft and attend therapy once a week to improve my well being. I figured setting up a schedule will perpetuate habit. Then being clean and organized will just be second nature. With leading into a new year and a new cycle and an attempt to turn my thinking to positive what a better way to start than by creating healthy habits. <3 regroup and reclaim <3


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Some hub . . . .

Yesterday I was talking to my parents about getting the windows downstairs. They said if nick is interested they'd rather give him the money than some random contractor. They were quoted 800 but said they'd buy the materials and pay nick 500. I then in return started to haggle and said how about nick does the windows and you pay for ICSI. Adrienne said you got a deal. Then I said nick wanted an iPad or a tattoo. All pretty much around the same price so they said he can choose. I made a couple of jokes about how he's totally going to pick he tattoo. I called him asked if he would be interested in doing and gave him the options. With out any hesitation he said DEFINTELY THE ICSI ! I was so happy I cried, my dad cried and Adrienne teared up. She knew he'd say ICSI. My dad said that's some husband ya got there. When he came home I asked him what made him make his decision so quick and he said that's the thing I want most of all ! <3 my honey <3


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In case I forget . . . .

I had an awesome SOA dream. I actually got to participate in a mission. I was with Gemma and Tara. Gemma handed me a gun I could actually feel the steal in my hands. So awesome. I can't remember what I did but I was thanked when it was over. I must've done something to prove my loyalty to the club. Ope and Tara hugged me. Afterwards jax hugged me from behind and was doing that when you walk with someone while holding them. He whispers in my ear how grateful he was. He kissed my neck a couple times and wow was it like very real. He said he hoped I'd consider staying. Then the need to poop woke me up. Grrrr !!!!
<3 damn digestion <3

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We're boring . . . .

Now I know it's probably far fetched and not even accurately portrayed; the biker club in SOA. However the show has sparked something in me. The need and desire of excitement. The fun of spontaneity. The sex that blows your mind. The desire to be sexy. I use to love to be a glorified cock tease. To throw my skirt up and show my ass a bit. To slut out a bit. Now I'm too lazy to even wear jeans half the time. I asked nick what I could do to make him throw me on a table or fuck me in a bathroom and he said you know I'm not like that. It's true he's not I think sometimes a bit of our problem is the difference in the way we like to have sex. I use to be nuts, hang from chandeliers, swallow cum, 69, give lap dances to my boyfriends or even get fingered in a movie theatre. Now I'm boring and not content with the shape my body is in. I have lost touch with the desire to be desired. Sons of Anarchy is reminding me of that want to be wanted. Stupid I know that a show on tv is causing me to have these thoughts but hey it was in there already and just needed something to light the fuse. I'm joining the gym and getting sexy for no one but myself and when I feel sexy myself everything else will fall into place. Screw it if nick doesn't want to take charge I'll just throw his giant ass on a table and tell him to fuck me he way I want to be actually no THE WAY I DESERVE to be fucked. <3 vulgar <3

Oooo baby baby . . . .


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Hot for biker . . . .

Had a pain in the ass day at work. Got Outback for din din. Decided to turn the frown upside down with some winter lager. Got tipsy and horny. Came home raped and ravaged my husband. Played a sick game of scrabble with Adrienne and Val. Settled in and watched Sons of Anarchy. Now off to have sex with quite possibly the absolute hottest guy I've ever been attracted to with hair in my dreams. <3 ohhhh jax yeah right there ahhhh <3


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Laughed till I cried . . . .

You guys want to get some Pa-Pies <3 Spanish Chewbaca <3

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Scheduled periods . . . .

I can't just tell my body to get my period as nice as that would be. After winning the contest and needing all the preliminary tests and clearance before I can start a new cycle also mixed with my doctor going on a two week vacation didn't leave me much time. I was going to try to fit my cycle in this month but I needed clearance for the hep and my kidneys. I also needed a water sono which I was suppose to do tomorrow. However with that it now pushed my cycle to December but the embryology lab closes for two weeks in December. Rather than bum rush a cycle I worked my ass off to get and worried I wasn't going to be able to make the December 31st expiration of the contest I asked Bina and the girls in group what I should do. Unanimously they all emailed me back DO NOT RUSH ! We had group last night where luckily lindsey the finance rep and one of the best people at the facility was there taking our suggestions as to how to make east coast fertility a better place. She was the person in charge of the contest and one of my major supports on the inside said to me after I spoke to her about dilemma. " It was my contest and I say you can do it when ever you want ". Elated I felt very relieved. Bina texted me today to tell me it was def ok to do it when I felt I'm ready and I am now going to be ringing in the new year with an IVF. <3 relieved <3
PS I had the worst panic attack I've had in like 6 years last night after waking up to have to go to the bathroom. I guess I wasn't fully awake and I got so freaked out I screamed for nick and he held me till it subsided. Luckily that was much quicker than back in the day because of the Zoloft. I watched tv till I got tired again then fell back to sleep. It was horrible tho I felt so out of body and scared. Nick sprang right to my aid and I thanked him all day for that. I love my hubby <3


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Halloween . . . .

We got my kiddies pumpkins and candy and toys. They were so happy. I 💜my kids ! They're so funny ! I also roasted pumpkin seeds <3 buggy eyes <3














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Carving . . . .

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