theres a reason Linus carries that blanket . . . .

So most of the day today I had anxiety about tonight because I knew that I was going to be surrounded by babies. I went to lee lee's house for cake for debs bday. Both ashton and tj were there and it was a great opportunity to get footage of my fat fuckin head with the babies to give to jay for my video but it was still kind of intimidating because what I want so badly seems so unattainable. Once I settled in like I always do it was obviously alot less horrible than i thought it was going to be. I even stayed later than vicky whom is my receiving blanket for when Im nervous.
Also tonight nick went to his first husbands infertiilty support group. I am beyond proud of him you have no idea. For him to go by himself sit with other husbands he doesnt know and share how this experience has been for him is HUGE. It was with my therapist Bina who is the most fabulous therapist ever and I def think that helped because nick knows how much I trust her. He said it went well and Im sure Ill get the tidbits later on how it officially went. He asked if he could go chill with his friends for the night and I of course said go ahead becaue he probably needed some bro time after getting in touch with his feelings and emotions. ( i know that sounded bad nick doesnt need my permission to hang out with his friends) There is about 12 women in my support group and only 3 husbands showed up tonight so I gotta say Im quite proud and impressed one of those husbands was mine. I know nick wants this just as much as I do but to actually see him go and speak about it shows me were defintely in this together. That sounds silly of me to say I mean its my husband obviously if were having a baby hes obviouly in this with me but actions sometimes speak louder than words and his actions tonight really meant alot. <3

where the heck is this guy <3

some one better make these for me or find some one who can <3