Healing both emotionally and physically . . . .

Right now I'm just taking it day by day. Nick has been beyond words amazing and this experience really opened my eyes to how much he really loves me. He did things for me this week that has deepened and intensified my love of him to a level I never thought I'd feel for someone. That aspect of this horrendous week has been amazing. How ever to go from such a high of finally accomplishing what seemed to be an unattainable goal to being thrust into not only losing the pregnancy but emergency surgery and now the process of healing not only emotionally but now physically has been by far my greatest challenge God has placed on my lap. I have such huge support from my friends and family that I know I'll be ok and that this like everything else in life the only solice comes from time. Time heals things eventually and allows us to remain mindful of our past but eventually be able to move on.

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How do I catch up . . . .

So much has happened since I last wrote an entry.
1 - stimmed really well
2 - retrieval was 7 eggies yaaaay ! Dr. Zinger
3 - 6 fertilized and 5 became viable embryos
4 - wrote email to Dr.Pena about how I felt it was in my best interest to out back three. He agreed with my wishes.
5 - day three transfer with three embryos. Two 8 cell grade 2 and one 6 cell grade two. Dr. Kriener
6 - 2ww yuck !
7 - my birthday weekend rocked. Turned 33 and went out for Hibatchi sat with friends and had a ball and Sunday ended up having a surprise birthday at Lisa's with all my work friends.
8 - valentines day was awesome too
9 - February 15 th nick stayed home from work answered the call from Dr. Pena and found out it was positive AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! Beyond happy ! I was surrounded by so much positive energy it was amazing. HCG level 169 !
10 - second bloodwork HCG level 424 and progesterone was 68 WOOT WOOT sono is Wednesday.














































































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Coming EGGlong nicely . . . .

So one week later and things are progressing nicely. I was super curious to see how my eggs were growing and I responded well to the clomid. I'm very happy and I'm trying to mantra my positive energy everyday. <3 grow eggies grow <3


This is how it starts !


Hoping for this !


Could very well end up with this !


On the way there I drove behind this car and hanging from the rear view mirror was the angel wings I use to represent my mom on the Christmas tree. This made me happy !











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The Bloody Sono . . . .

Well I got my period yesterday. The one that is hopefully my last for a while. Happy and excited but also cautious of my emotions I'm again entering the land of the hopeful.
Today obviously being the second day of my cycle I had to go in for blood and sono. Ugh gross ! My second day is always my heaviest and as if this whole thing isn't degrading enough I had to be probed in my clotty girl parts by the Philippino Wonder himself. Lmaoooo ! I always make sure to keep things lively by wearing what I think will keep the atmosphere light so today I sported my brand new Grape Fanta t-shirt and super awesome striped socks. To entertain myself in the waiting room I took funny pics of myself and then thought of a great idea. I laughed to myself thinking about doing it and thinking nah I shouldn't but I DID and I chuckled while Dr. Pena had the probe in my VAJ ! I'm going to keep myself smiling and laughing thru this whole thing even when i dont want to because like I've said before and I'll say again " I'm doing what I can do and the rest is out of my hands " . Fuck it ! I'm sick of this shit defining me. This is going to fit into my life. I'm not making my life this. Yes I want to be a mom and come hell or high water I will indeed become one but to throw away my existence to sulk in my own misery has encompassed me enough. I love daydreaming about the future but have to keep myself grounded in the present or before I know it it's all in the past and ive missed seizing opportunities to really enjoy myself. <3 laughter is the ABSOLUTE BEST medicine <3


All showered and shaved in my privies !



Bored in the waiting room and I decided to entertain myself by using my camwow app <3 lmaoooo !



Snazzy socks ! Dr. Pena loves my socks ! He was cracking up at my fanta shirt and socks !



I felt like it was going psssst hey you over here ! Take a pic of me I'm a Vagina !



Still waiting ! Dr.Pena came in and I was cracking up !



Oh no she didn't ! OH YES I DID ! Doing everything in my power to contain my laughter !



Last but certainly not least my lead follicle <3 only a 7 soon to be my star pupil !

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Hips don't lie . . . .

Shake shake shake,
Shake shake shake,
Shake your bootyyyy,
Shake your bootyyyy !

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Consents . . . .

We signed our consents today !
(well technically yesterday) getting very excited to see how this will turn out ! Life has a funny way of surprising you, good or bad ! Cheers to being on the climb up and loving it ! Being happy takes a lot of work but it just feels to darn good to care ! <3 manifest positive <3
MANTRA FOR 2012
Obsessing about what you don't have makes you miss the things you DO HAVE ! Be grateful !
Do what you can, the rest is out of your hands !
Give it to God !



Typical nick on his cell while we're doing something important !









And just for shots and giggles. Someone in mucks dr.s office building was getting a paper delivery and I asked if I can take a pic !



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Best compliment EVER . . . .

Tonight I went to my friend Lisa's house to spend time with her daughter whom asks all the time for me to come over ! I've been going Tuesdays to do a little project with her. Tonight we made a castle and little pompom bugs. While we were working on it Lisa told me Ariana said something really sweet about me. While laying in bed with her mom last night she said " Mommy if Stephanie was a fairy her gift talent would be light because she light my heart up so much. " BEST THING EVER SAID TO ME <3 heartfelt <3









































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